Month: June 2020

Advice on Courtship

From a chapbook published in the early 1800s comes some very practical advice on how to win hearts. One might be forgiven for thinking that the penultimate paragraph contradicts some of the other advice.

Bachelors, Maids, Widowers, and Widows.

There are certain rules which must be observed in courtships: and first, to maids who do not possess their first blushes, your first address must be with gentleness and modesty, lest you frighten them with an opinion that you are rude and uncivil of behaviour, and rather aim at debauching them than any intention of marriage; and you must be brisk with them, or they will take you for a drone without a sting.

Widows, especially young ones, are gamesome and buxom; for having once smelt the spit, they always love a good joint. Those you must entertain with some merry discourse, and lay aside whining or solemn protestations; kiss them till their ears crack and when you find a convenient time and place, warm them with caresses, squeezing their hand, gently treading on their toes; and when you kiss bear close to them. You will soon perceive, by their eager looks, blushing, and frequent changing of colour, that now is the time to ask a favour, to which you will have a faint denial, if any at all; then make the best use of your time, and press forward without delay;—delays are dangerous, and many a fair opportunity has slipped, that could never afterwards be recovered.

As for maids or widows, if you like a brisk man, and are bashful, you may use dumb signs, which is called love’s silent language; gaze on his face, and when he perceives it, suddenly take off your eyes and turn your head aside; blush naturally, forcibly hold out your breathing, and start a little when first you see him at any time, as if you were surprised; if he takes your hand grasp him with a little trembling, and then seem to withdraw your hand again, as if uneasy; if he kisses you, stay your lips on his awhile, as if with great affection. He must be very dull that will not take these hints for the signs of tender love.

Above all things, either men or women ought to conduct themselves with perfect modesty and decorum in the presence of those they esteem, as it is the most certain method of gaining their esteem and love.

More might be said on this subject, but nature and practice are the best instructors.

——From The New Golden Dreamer. A true interpretation of dreams, with other curious matter regarding love and courtship.

—An addendum: the same text is found in this chapbook, which is probably twenty years older.

The Dumb Cake

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife,” wrote Miss Austen. In her time, it was presumed that the most pressing concern of any young lady was to discover which single man might be in want of her. A chapbook printed in the early 1800s gives directions for a magical ritual by which a group of young ladies may know which of them is next to be married, and to whom, provided that one of the young ladies is willing to donate some of her urine. This tradition seems to be ancient, and to have had a long life. A quick search finds plays called “The Dumb Cake” in 1788 and 1907. Nearly the same directions are given in a book of Games for Hallow-e’en in 1912, though the use of urine is euphemized as “being careful not to use spring water.” In many places the ritual was reserved for St. Mark’s Eve. On that night, Washington Irving writes in “Love Charms,” “Several of them [the servants in Bracebridge Hall] sowed hemp-seed to be reaped by their true lovers; and they even ventured upon the solemn and fearful preparation of the dumb-cake.”

In order to make the Dumb Cake to perfection, it is necessary to observe strictly the following instructions:—Let any number of young women take a handful of wheaten flour, (not a word is to be spoken by any one of them during the rest of the process,) and place it on a sheet of white paper, then sprinkle it over with as much salt as can be held between the finger and thumb: then one of the maids must bestow as much of her own water as will make it into a dough; which being done, each of the company must roll it up, and spread it thin and broad, and each person must (at some distance from each other) make the first letters of her Christian and Surname, with a large new pin, towards the end of the cake: if more Christian names than one, the first letter of each must be made. The cake must then be set before the fire, and each person must sit down in a chair, as far distant from the fire as the room will admit, not speaking a single word all the time. This must be done soon after eleven at night—and between that and twelve each person must turn the cake once, and in five minutes after the clock strikes twelve, the husband of her who is first to be married will appear, and lay his hand on that part of the cake which bears her name.

——From The New Golden Dreamer. A true interpretation of dreams, with other curious matter regarding love and courtship.

“Two Years of War,” Said Henry Ward Beecher

Like most papers of the day, the Reading (Pennsylvania) paper Father Abraham always included a column of jokes and wit. Here, in late 1864, Henry Ward Beecher boasts of what the Union has accomplished in “two years of war.”

“Two Years of War,” said Henry Ward Beecher on Sunday night, “and we have conquered half the Rebel territory, hold the keys of the whole, and have nearly destroyed the military strength of the Rebellion in the field. All this in two years of war.”

“Four years, you mean,” said a bystander.

“No,” responded Mr. Beecher. “I said two years of war. In the first two, Gen. McClellan was in command!”

——From Father Abraham, November 1, 1864.