Originally from the Chicago Tribune, here is a conversation between two young women on the streetcar, written not according to the rules of English spelling but according to how the voices actually sounded. The result may remind you a bit of Finnegans Wake—and, like Joyce’s novel, it preserves the sound of ordinary speech of the time much better than conventional orthography could preserve it.
Back in 1905, it was usual for people to learn to read phonetically. For many people today, that is not true, and this dialogue will present an impenetrable puzzle. I’ve added a sort of translation below to help anyone who finds it hard to work out what this is all about.
This is the conversation that took place between the girl with the two-story pompadour and the girl with the aeroplane hat, on the Wentworth-avenue car:
“Seer, Jen!”
“Watcha wanta me?”
“Wanta askeesumpin. Ooze cumminout choor house t’moranight?”
“Awquitcherfoolin!”
“Aintafoolin. Oozacummin?”
“Awka moff. Ainnobudycummin.”
“Inobettern that.”
“Betchadollar thaint.”
“Betchadollar thiz.”
“Awka moff!”
“Seer, Jen! Joomeentellme Imalyre?”
“Srite. Ooze binastuffin yuh?”
“Noboddisbinastuffinme. Ino wottimatawkinabout.”
“Awka moff! Nothininnit allsame.”
“Sawl overtown.”
“Wotsawlovertown?”
“Bouchooantomjackson.”
“Oozee?”
“Core shoo don’t know!”
“Core si don’t.”
“Betchadoo.”
“Say! Juno Lilsimmons?”
“Bettidoo. Ullo! Ear sware Iga toff.”
“Well, g’by!”
“G’by !” —Chicago Tribune. —Reprinted in Life, January 19, 1905.
And now a translation, which is to say the same dialogue written in more conventional but less phonetically accurate orthography:
“See here, Jen!”
“What do you want from me?”
“Want to ask you something. Who’s coming out to your house tomorrow night?”
“Aw, quit your fooling.”
“Ain’t a-fooling. Who’s a-coming?”
“Aw, come off. Ain’t nobody coming.”
“I know better than that.”
“Bet you a dollar there ain’t.”
“Bet you a dollar there is.”
“Aw, come off!”
“See here, Jen! You mean to tell me I’m a liar?”
“That’s right. Who’s been a-stuffing you?”
“Nobody’s been a-stuffing me. I know what I’m a-talking about.”
“Aw, come off! Nothing in it all the same.”
“It’s all over town.”
“What’s all over town?”
“About you and Tom Jackson.”
“Who’s he?”
“Course you don’t know!”
“Course I don’t.”
“Say! You know Lil Simmons?”
“Bet I do. Hello! Here’s where I get off.”
“Well, goodbye!”
“Goodbye!”